Dating Tips 101 For Singaporean Gals
How many of you, despite believing that you are nice, are unable to get The Guy that you want and deserve, or is just frustratingly unsuccessful at it no matter what you seem to do.
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| First dates. Can be exciting. Or messy if the cat caught your tongue. |
Or that when things seem to be going along fine, he suddenly ups and
runs or disappears, which leaves you wondering where and what went
wrong.
Or that he seems to be Mr Popular and you're wondering the heck how to turn his head your way when you're the shy and retiring sort.
Or you're tired of only attracting the wrong crowd; players, cheaters, guys who're only interested in talking with your bosom and being bosom buddies with it or more, etc etc etc.
Or it seems like only the guys you're not interested in can't seem to be shaken off and on the other hand, you're trying to chase down the one you're interested in.
The list of "Ors" goes on.
If you'd like help from a guy's point of view on what will attract not just any guy, but The Guy, to yourself, then read on..
Or that he seems to be Mr Popular and you're wondering the heck how to turn his head your way when you're the shy and retiring sort.
Or you're tired of only attracting the wrong crowd; players, cheaters, guys who're only interested in talking with your bosom and being bosom buddies with it or more, etc etc etc.
Or it seems like only the guys you're not interested in can't seem to be shaken off and on the other hand, you're trying to chase down the one you're interested in.
The list of "Ors" goes on.
If you'd like help from a guy's point of view on what will attract not just any guy, but The Guy, to yourself, then read on..
A few basic guidelines.
1) You are The Prize and you have to acknowledge and know that.
2) The Prize, under no circumstances, appears the slightest bit needy.
This means:
- No initiating of conversations every time. He should initiate 80-90% of the conversations.
- No initiating of meeting on the first date. That should be left to the guy. You do not want to appear desperate, even if you're not!
These are to keep his interest levels up. Taking the first steps on your part means that he already has you wrapped around his little finger. Not having had to do anything to chase you will cause disinterest in you.
Men LOVE the chase, you have to realize that.
You can't force him to love you, but what you can do is to guide him into loving you.
1) You are The Prize and you have to acknowledge and know that.
2) The Prize, under no circumstances, appears the slightest bit needy.
This means:
- No initiating of conversations every time. He should initiate 80-90% of the conversations.
- No initiating of meeting on the first date. That should be left to the guy. You do not want to appear desperate, even if you're not!
These are to keep his interest levels up. Taking the first steps on your part means that he already has you wrapped around his little finger. Not having had to do anything to chase you will cause disinterest in you.
Men LOVE the chase, you have to realize that.
You can't force him to love you, but what you can do is to guide him into loving you.
Be nonchalant, be bochup, show little or no interest in him.
Ever wondered why sometimes you've guys whom you've totally no interest in and chasing you like crazy and not giving up? Simply because you're not interested in them!
If the guy you like is outgoing and has admirable qualities etc, chances are that he has a group of girls who're hovering around him, but what ignoring him makes you stand out from the crowd, simply because you're not paying any attention to him and giving the impression that you're not interested even if he has all those admirable qualities.
3) Have confidence in yourself. A guy likes a girl that has confidence because he will consciously or unconsciously read that she will not be super needy and clingy later on into the relationship.
Besides, a woman with confidence attracts A LOT of attention. Which guy won't want to be seen with a woman like that? In fact, he will feel very proud of it.
At this point, I'll stress on the no sex "rule".
Giving the guy sex early into the relationship is a recipe for disaster. Pretty soon, he will leave and you will end up feeling cheated and wondering why he left.
This is because you've dealt your last and best card, leaving him with little or no interest left in you because things came somewhat too easily.
So, its either no sex throughout, or make him work damn hard and long (ahem, no innuendos intended) for it. That's the only way he'll ever treasure it and you especially.
You know how the saying goes; Men give love to have sex and women give sex to have love.
However, what happens when a woman gives sex early on to have love? The man will then feel that since he's already gotten sex, does he still have to give love?
Nothing that comes easy will be treasured nor appreciated.
Ever wondered why sometimes you've guys whom you've totally no interest in and chasing you like crazy and not giving up? Simply because you're not interested in them!
If the guy you like is outgoing and has admirable qualities etc, chances are that he has a group of girls who're hovering around him, but what ignoring him makes you stand out from the crowd, simply because you're not paying any attention to him and giving the impression that you're not interested even if he has all those admirable qualities.
3) Have confidence in yourself. A guy likes a girl that has confidence because he will consciously or unconsciously read that she will not be super needy and clingy later on into the relationship.
Besides, a woman with confidence attracts A LOT of attention. Which guy won't want to be seen with a woman like that? In fact, he will feel very proud of it.
At this point, I'll stress on the no sex "rule".
Giving the guy sex early into the relationship is a recipe for disaster. Pretty soon, he will leave and you will end up feeling cheated and wondering why he left.
This is because you've dealt your last and best card, leaving him with little or no interest left in you because things came somewhat too easily.
So, its either no sex throughout, or make him work damn hard and long (ahem, no innuendos intended) for it. That's the only way he'll ever treasure it and you especially.
You know how the saying goes; Men give love to have sex and women give sex to have love.
However, what happens when a woman gives sex early on to have love? The man will then feel that since he's already gotten sex, does he still have to give love?
Nothing that comes easy will be treasured nor appreciated.
Some First Date No-nos
- Discussing sensitive issues that will eventually involve a debate and/or turn into an argument. No guy in his right mind likes a quarrelsome woman.
- Talking about exes.
- Flaring up or showcasing a bad temper.
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| Flaring up. Always a bad idea. |
- Talking on and on and on about yourself. Give the guy a chance to ask
questions and find out more about you. Talking constantly about yourself
will switch his mind into autopilot or cruise control mode. End result?
Little or no interest.
- Dressing like this:
- Dressing like this:
Bad move! Even if you've got it, you don't have to flaunt it. If you
really absolutely have to, just a slight hint of cleavage is more than
enough. Remember, less is more and more is less.
It's like receiving a present. The thrill is not so much in the present, but more in the unwrapping. Think about it and see if what I say is true.
It's like receiving a present. The thrill is not so much in the present, but more in the unwrapping. Think about it and see if what I say is true.
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| Remember this scene from True Lies? |
It keeps the interest level UP. Dressing like that leaves nothing to the
imagination, therefore, the interest level for you and especially for
finding out more about your character, decreases.
The only kind of interest level that might increase, though, is sexual. And you definitely do not want that early into the relationship. The man will only view you as a slab of meat for him to stick his *cough* into.
I don't think that's the sort of man you want to attract, right?
Personally, I believe that a woman can turn heads even if she is covered up properly, as long as she carries herself well and dresses like she respects herself and her body and exudes confidence as a result of doing so.
The only kind of interest level that might increase, though, is sexual. And you definitely do not want that early into the relationship. The man will only view you as a slab of meat for him to stick his *cough* into.
I don't think that's the sort of man you want to attract, right?
Personally, I believe that a woman can turn heads even if she is covered up properly, as long as she carries herself well and dresses like she respects herself and her body and exudes confidence as a result of doing so.
On A Date
The topic of food.
If he asks if you'd like to eat anything in particular, acknowledge that he's trying to be a gentleman and asking your opinion rather than forcing his own upon you.
It can honestly be exceedingly excruciatingly irritating when, for example, I ask, and ask, and ask in one date alone, what the lady would like to eat, because I've had to make the choices the past few dates and chances are that she is going to give me the same answer she has given me for the previous dates; "Oh, anything, lah? You pick."
If he asks if you'd like to eat anything in particular, acknowledge that he's trying to be a gentleman and asking your opinion rather than forcing his own upon you.
It can honestly be exceedingly excruciatingly irritating when, for example, I ask, and ask, and ask in one date alone, what the lady would like to eat, because I've had to make the choices the past few dates and chances are that she is going to give me the same answer she has given me for the previous dates; "Oh, anything, lah? You pick."
As a guy, I'd just like her to make a decision, for once! Why? Because I'm not dating a carpet.
The thing is, men like women who have a mind of their own. The last thing they want is a mindless drone. Being the nice lady that you are doesn't mean that you have to let him make the decisions every time. Having a mind of your own keeps him interested, not irritated.
If however, your date keeps making the decisions without asking you your views or where you'd like to go or what you'd like to do for the date, you're going out with the classic MCP.
Still think you want to continue going out with him if you really treasure yourself?
Mind Games and Looks
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| "Maybe if I try really hard enough, he can read my mind..." |
On the topic of mind games and looks. Mind games are unavoidable. Even if you don't play it, other gals (aka your competition) will. So how?
Men are visual creatures, they can be interested in someone they don't know well yet if the gal either:
1) Looks good in his eyes.
2) Appears to be displaying the right signs.
3) Seems unattainable and therefore presents a challenge to him.
For girls that 很有心机 vs nice girls that 不会耍心机, the nice girls have to find out what it is the other group of girls know that they don't.
It doesn't mean that you aren't nice anymore if you know how to 耍心机, you can find all sorts of 耍心机 tactics around you in nature.
E.g. the flower that wants to attract a bee to spread its pollen. The flower doesn't just stand rooted there with a sign saying "Hey bee, I'm a nice flower, you should come to me!"
Nope, what it does is attract the bee with its scent and looks. Some plants have even evolved to have flowers that look like a female bee, so that the male bee will come along attempting to vigorously mate with the "female", therefore getting lots of pollen on him in the process.
So, if even simple plants are doing it, what more about humans with a large noggin at their disposal?
1) Looks good in his eyes.
2) Appears to be displaying the right signs.
3) Seems unattainable and therefore presents a challenge to him.
For girls that 很有心机 vs nice girls that 不会耍心机, the nice girls have to find out what it is the other group of girls know that they don't.
It doesn't mean that you aren't nice anymore if you know how to 耍心机, you can find all sorts of 耍心机 tactics around you in nature.
E.g. the flower that wants to attract a bee to spread its pollen. The flower doesn't just stand rooted there with a sign saying "Hey bee, I'm a nice flower, you should come to me!"
Nope, what it does is attract the bee with its scent and looks. Some plants have even evolved to have flowers that look like a female bee, so that the male bee will come along attempting to vigorously mate with the "female", therefore getting lots of pollen on him in the process.
So, if even simple plants are doing it, what more about humans with a large noggin at their disposal?
Confidence
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| Takes balls to carry that 5 o'clock shadow! |
The kind of confidence a guy likes?
A confident girl isn't needy, or too needy. Being a little bit needy to a guy at times helps to stroke his ego and make him feel like a hero. Too needy is having your world built around him, which will eventually suffocate him and frustrate both of you later on.
A confident girl is also one who is confident and comfortable with her looks. When the guy compliments her, she accepts it and doesn't say things like "No laa, I'm so fat!". Doing that tells the guy that she isn't confident of herself and maybe even insecure. A simple "Thank you!" will suffice for compliments like that.
Saying "Thank you! I think so too" and appearing to genuinely believe it is overcompensating and might smack of overconfidence. The only way to pull off a line like this is to say it lightheartedly or even jokingly.
A confident girl isn't needy, or too needy. Being a little bit needy to a guy at times helps to stroke his ego and make him feel like a hero. Too needy is having your world built around him, which will eventually suffocate him and frustrate both of you later on.
A confident girl is also one who is confident and comfortable with her looks. When the guy compliments her, she accepts it and doesn't say things like "No laa, I'm so fat!". Doing that tells the guy that she isn't confident of herself and maybe even insecure. A simple "Thank you!" will suffice for compliments like that.
Saying "Thank you! I think so too" and appearing to genuinely believe it is overcompensating and might smack of overconfidence. The only way to pull off a line like this is to say it lightheartedly or even jokingly.
So, You're Shy?
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As for starting a conversation with a guy, only you know that you are shy. The
guy initially doesn't. He has no prior knowledge of you. Whether you are
flirty, whether you are a funny person who likes jokes, etc etc.
Sure, you can flirt with them, the question here would be, why not?
What you might try to achieve is being easy to talk to and talk with. That's the positive sort of "being easy". The negative sort of "being easy" is the kind that usually involves a bed.
Sure, you can flirt with them, the question here would be, why not?
What you might try to achieve is being easy to talk to and talk with. That's the positive sort of "being easy". The negative sort of "being easy" is the kind that usually involves a bed.
The "Right" Guy
I assume that by "right guy", you mean a quality guy with good values. A
very easy way of separating good from bad is how long they're willing
to hold out from sex. Which is also why I say never to give sex early
into the relationship. That won't earn any or most girls a guy, in fact,
more often than not, it loses him quicker than you can say "Okamoto".
You see, the "right guy" would be one who is interested in a relationship with you. The wrong guy would be one who is only interested in sex with you as soon as he can, not a relationship.
You see, the "right guy" would be one who is interested in a relationship with you. The wrong guy would be one who is only interested in sex with you as soon as he can, not a relationship.
Depending on what kind of guy you want, always remember that birds of a
feather flock together. You'll be able to tell what kind of guy he is
by the company he keeps.
The "right guy" is willing to wait, the wrong guy obviously isn't.
To create the proper first impression on a date:
- Carry yourself well. No showing of tempers, no raising of voices etc.
- Avoid sensitive topics.
- Don't show more flesh than necessary. Less is more! Like one of the examples in an earlier post, don't wear something like that. Just the slightest hint of cleavage is a gazillion times better than showing the whole valley. Showing the whole valley or showing more flesh than necessary just spells out "She's easy!" to him.
A caveat, as always. This applies to the guys too, just reverse the genders.
- Learn to manage your expectations. Quite honestly, if you want a hot guy who's nice, charming, gentle, respects your parents, respects you, happens to be loaded, and a whole lotta other things on your list, you have to be able to offer the same, too. As an example, say you walk into a Ferrari showroom, choose the car you want, but only have a dollar, naturally, the salesman isn't going to let you drive off with it.
Unless of course, you're this dude who can walk into a casino with one dollar and... You all know what happened next. :3
The "right guy" is willing to wait, the wrong guy obviously isn't.
To create the proper first impression on a date:
- Carry yourself well. No showing of tempers, no raising of voices etc.
- Avoid sensitive topics.
- Don't show more flesh than necessary. Less is more! Like one of the examples in an earlier post, don't wear something like that. Just the slightest hint of cleavage is a gazillion times better than showing the whole valley. Showing the whole valley or showing more flesh than necessary just spells out "She's easy!" to him.
A caveat, as always. This applies to the guys too, just reverse the genders.
- Learn to manage your expectations. Quite honestly, if you want a hot guy who's nice, charming, gentle, respects your parents, respects you, happens to be loaded, and a whole lotta other things on your list, you have to be able to offer the same, too. As an example, say you walk into a Ferrari showroom, choose the car you want, but only have a dollar, naturally, the salesman isn't going to let you drive off with it.
Unless of course, you're this dude who can walk into a casino with one dollar and... You all know what happened next. :3
Well, I think that's all for now. Will edit and add more to this post when something pops into my head. :)
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