Dating Tips for Singaporean guys... and geeks like myself. LOL! I wrote this more for the nice guys to get to know their potential life partner, date and hopefully get together for life. Most nice guys ironically have trouble getting a girl to appreciate them. Nice guys don't seem to advertise. Maybe they are even convinced that they don't need to, because lots of people tell them "You're so nice! Wish you were my boyfriend!" but it never happnes. So, here's one for the nice guys!
How To Get The Date
First of all, the girl has to notice you. What's going to make you stand out from all the other lions?
1) Your grooming. Look like a slob? Chances are you might not even get lucky even if you're the last man on earth. Even if you like to wear just tshirt and jeans, you can do them well. Personally, I like tshirts that sorta make a statement, something that matches my personality or humour.
2) Confidence. If you're not confident of yourself, she won't even take a second glance at you. Women like men with confidence, but don't be overconfident.
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| Confidence? Overconfidence? You decide! I'm leaning more towards confidence on this one, heh! |
3) Smile dude, and smile at her, that's one of the few and only ways you're going to get her notice!
4) More on grooming: brush your teeth, make sure your breath smells nice before you talk to her, trim your nostril hair, shave properly, wear something that isn't faded or looks like it belonged to your great-grandfather. Avoid the mothball eau de cologne too!
4) More on grooming: brush your teeth, make sure your breath smells nice before you talk to her, trim your nostril hair, shave properly, wear something that isn't faded or looks like it belonged to your great-grandfather. Avoid the mothball eau de cologne too!
5) Be. A. Gentleman.
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| No, not this kind of gentleman. Really! Pic credit: Jover Design (http://shadowness.com/JoverDesign/psy-gentleman) |
So, now after days or weeks of smiling at her from a distance and
stressing over whether to ask her for her number, you decide you're
finally ready to do it.
- If you haven't already approached her, do it. Remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- If you haven't already approached her, do it. Remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Don't know how to strike up a conversation with her? Just observe
what she reads, what she wears, the simplest thing can open up doors for
you. See her reading a book? If you're familiar with the author or even
the book itself, you can start chatting with her by saying "Hi, that's a
nice book you're reading!" Or ask things like "Hi, may I have a look at
your book?" Please make sure you don't mispronounce "book" as "boob," ok?
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| Anyway, a little takeaway for the ladies... |
Not reading a book? Then how? Look at what she's wearing! A nice pair of earrings? A nice necklace? Ok, even if you don't think its nice, pretend it is!! Then go up to her and say "Hi, that's a nice pair of earrings, may I know where you go it from? My cousin's birthday is coming soon (you might have to be a little bit devious here, don't say its your sister, becasue if you two end up together, its gonna be real weird if you actually don't have a sis or her birthday isn't coming soon) and I'm sure she'd love these!"
Got the idea yet?
Ok, once you two have warmed up to each other, it'll be easier to ask her for her number and she probably won't reject you unless you've done something really wrong to make her think that you're weird or dangerous.
What not to do:
1) Talk about killing/murdering someone, even if you're joking. It freaks her out and makes her think that you're dangerous.
2) Joke with her like you're joking with your guy friends. Girls usually don't appreciate jokes that we guys love, unless they've already warmed up to us.
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| Maybe this joke still can... |
3) Be an ass with sexual overtures and seeming like a sex-hungry pervert.
The Date
Finally you've got her number and now you're ready to ask her out on a date.
- It can be as simple as asking her over the phone or Whatsapp/sms. Those functions and apps are there for us, use them!
- It can be as simple as asking her over the phone or Whatsapp/sms. Those functions and apps are there for us, use them!
- When asking her on a date, don't say things like "Hi, wanna go out?"
That's too ambiguous. Instead, say something like, "Hi, are you free on
Wed evening for dinner and a show (state movie)?"
Why that works better? Because you're letting her know what will happen on the date. Both of you can then decide where to go, what to eat etc.
Some things that can and will go wrong:
1) Oh no, you're there waiting for her and she brings a friend/sis/relative along, without telling you too! How now brown cow? Relax, take it in your stride, smile and be confident. That'll score points with her friend/whoever too! Confidence is the key here, and remember to be a gentleman.
2) You've planned and planned for the big date day, intending to have a nice picnic at the beach, but damn, its raining! Are you going to cancel your plans and mope at home? Hell no!!! You must ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP PLAN! And check with your date about it too, like "If it rains, do you want to go to (place) and catch a show (or whatever you have in mind) instead?"
Why that works better? Because you're letting her know what will happen on the date. Both of you can then decide where to go, what to eat etc.
Some things that can and will go wrong:
1) Oh no, you're there waiting for her and she brings a friend/sis/relative along, without telling you too! How now brown cow? Relax, take it in your stride, smile and be confident. That'll score points with her friend/whoever too! Confidence is the key here, and remember to be a gentleman.
2) You've planned and planned for the big date day, intending to have a nice picnic at the beach, but damn, its raining! Are you going to cancel your plans and mope at home? Hell no!!! You must ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP PLAN! And check with your date about it too, like "If it rains, do you want to go to (place) and catch a show (or whatever you have in mind) instead?"
That shows her that you are prepared in case things don't go according to plan. I think that works to increasing the sense of security a girl feels towards the guy.
During The Date
1) Keep things playful for a relaxed atmosphere. Joke with her, make her smile, make her feel comfortable and relaxed. But don't be playful till the point of immaturity. Flirt with her and only her. By flirting, I mean smiling at her and winking at her. But don't wink until she thinks you've an eye problem!! Do things in moderation. Try to make it seem like its a little joke, that way if it goes badly, she'll think you're joking. If you don't like winking and think you can't carry it out, then don't. :)
2) Be a gentleman. I cannot stress this often enough.
3) Keep your roving eyes away from other women and on her and try to keep them off her chest! She doesn't need to be made to feel like a piece of meat for you to devour.
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| Eye contact. Do you has it?? |
4) Maintain eye contact with her.
5) How to tell she's receptive to you? Body language is a key. If you're interested in her and she feels the same about you, both of you will be a mirror to each other. Put your hand on your cheek and she'll do the same in a moment. She'll be leaning to you at the table too.
6) Whisper into her ear. You've no idea how incredibly personal this is, and builds up the intimacy factor. This depends on how comfortable you both are with each other for you to try this on the first date.
7) How not to whisper into her ear like a freak and scare her off: whisper stuff like (not "ASGM?" ok!!!) a private joke about the show or someone funny you see on the street. E.g. *lean and whisper to her ear* "Don't you think that baby looks cute?"
P.S. ASGM = Ai Sio Gan Mai. Please don't say that. Really.
8) Be generous. Offer to pick up the tab. If you want, you might tip the waiter/waitress, but I haven't done that before since it isn't the practice to do so in Singapore. If she insists strongly on going dutch, then offer to treat her on the next date. That way, you're setting both of you up for the next date and she knows you want to meet her again.
9) If she starts talking about something sad that happened in her life and starts crying, you don't have to say anything (really), just offer her your shoulder, comfort her, listen to her and dry her tears.
10) Avoid the compulsion to be her problem solver. If your suggestions to her problem backfires, she's only going to remember you as the one who made her problems worse with your suggestions.
11) What to do then? Just listen and make her feel and know you're listening by echoing what she said. E.g. Her: "I'm so sad today, my friend just saboed (sabotaged) me etc etc etc"
You: "Your friend saboed you? Why did he/she do that? Don't feel so bad?"
Her: "He/she did this and that and this and that etc etc"
You: "Wah, how come they like that one, do this and that and this and that to you??"
Get the idea?
5) How to tell she's receptive to you? Body language is a key. If you're interested in her and she feels the same about you, both of you will be a mirror to each other. Put your hand on your cheek and she'll do the same in a moment. She'll be leaning to you at the table too.
6) Whisper into her ear. You've no idea how incredibly personal this is, and builds up the intimacy factor. This depends on how comfortable you both are with each other for you to try this on the first date.
7) How not to whisper into her ear like a freak and scare her off: whisper stuff like (not "ASGM?" ok!!!) a private joke about the show or someone funny you see on the street. E.g. *lean and whisper to her ear* "Don't you think that baby looks cute?"
P.S. ASGM = Ai Sio Gan Mai. Please don't say that. Really.
8) Be generous. Offer to pick up the tab. If you want, you might tip the waiter/waitress, but I haven't done that before since it isn't the practice to do so in Singapore. If she insists strongly on going dutch, then offer to treat her on the next date. That way, you're setting both of you up for the next date and she knows you want to meet her again.
9) If she starts talking about something sad that happened in her life and starts crying, you don't have to say anything (really), just offer her your shoulder, comfort her, listen to her and dry her tears.
10) Avoid the compulsion to be her problem solver. If your suggestions to her problem backfires, she's only going to remember you as the one who made her problems worse with your suggestions.
11) What to do then? Just listen and make her feel and know you're listening by echoing what she said. E.g. Her: "I'm so sad today, my friend just saboed (sabotaged) me etc etc etc"
You: "Your friend saboed you? Why did he/she do that? Don't feel so bad?"
Her: "He/she did this and that and this and that etc etc"
You: "Wah, how come they like that one, do this and that and this and that to you??"
Get the idea?
Other Stuff
1) Don't just "be friends" with the girl of interest, she'll only classify you as a friend and not as a romantic interest.
2) Leave behind what you think you know about "negging" to put your date down or "on a lower level" than you. That might work in a western country, but this is Singapore. You're only going to appear rude. The thing is, if you bring a set of rules or steps to take to your date, what you're doing is leaving your real self behind, and sending an empty shell that is just there to execute some routines. Ask yourself if you are going on a date to find a potential life partner, or to execute routines.
2) If you're gonna talk to her on the phone, keep it short and sweet. Be like a commando, get in fast, get out fast. It's better to leave her with good feelings after ending the conversation and leave her wanting for more from you, than dragging on the conversation which leads to an awkward silence because both of you dunno what to say anymore.
3) Again, make an effort to shave, trim your nostril hair, wear something nice and smell nice. She didn't go through the trouble of putting on make up and stressing over what to wear to see you dressed sloppily right?
4) Yeah, I'm really stressing a lot on this one. Impress your date by being a gentleman. Open doors for her etc. I know its a modern world we live in, and we have equality-this, equality-that, but treat a lady like a lady.
2) If you're gonna talk to her on the phone, keep it short and sweet. Be like a commando, get in fast, get out fast. It's better to leave her with good feelings after ending the conversation and leave her wanting for more from you, than dragging on the conversation which leads to an awkward silence because both of you dunno what to say anymore.
3) Again, make an effort to shave, trim your nostril hair, wear something nice and smell nice. She didn't go through the trouble of putting on make up and stressing over what to wear to see you dressed sloppily right?
4) Yeah, I'm really stressing a lot on this one. Impress your date by being a gentleman. Open doors for her etc. I know its a modern world we live in, and we have equality-this, equality-that, but treat a lady like a lady.
5) Compliment your date 3 times. Once when you see her, second during the date, and the third when you SEND HER HOME.
6) If she insists that you don't need to send her home, just say its late and it'll be better if you do. At the most to the void deck or something etc.
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| You don't have to have a car to send her home. Public transport also can. COE nowadays so high, still want to buy car, meh? |
7) Notice what she's wearing, and I'm not talking about the neckline plunging cleavage revealing dress!! Goodness!! I'm talking about things like her shoes or necklace or even earrings. If you notice those, you pretty much leave her very impressed. A simple "nice shoes!" more than often takes the cake.
8) Bring a sweater or jacket out for her. Most
air-con places like the cinema or restaurants can be too cold. Plus,
given Singapore's sudden rainy weather, it'd keep her warm.
9) Be decisive, e.g. about where to sit when you're going to eat, what
movie to watch etc etc. But be flexible too. Never be wishy washy and
indecisive.
10) Touch your date physically. Shocking? Yes, but wait, here's what I
mean! Touch your date physically by tapping her arm lightly when you
want to indicate to her where to go. Or just brushing her arm with yours
lightly say at the dining table or at the movies. But beware, not too
much or not too intrusively that she keeps shying away from you.
11) If you can or want to, buy her a simple gift and WRAP IT NICELY!!! It can be a cheap gift like 3 pieces of Ferrero Rocher, but wrapped well. It'll make her remember you when she eats the chocolate, and which one of us doesn't like the process of unwrapping presents more than the present itself?
12) If you're driving, make sure your car smells good and its cleaned properly. Get rid of the fuzzy dice that are hanging on the mirror and any other "incriminating" stuff.
11) If you can or want to, buy her a simple gift and WRAP IT NICELY!!! It can be a cheap gift like 3 pieces of Ferrero Rocher, but wrapped well. It'll make her remember you when she eats the chocolate, and which one of us doesn't like the process of unwrapping presents more than the present itself?
12) If you're driving, make sure your car smells good and its cleaned properly. Get rid of the fuzzy dice that are hanging on the mirror and any other "incriminating" stuff.
13) If you're dating a pretty gal, telling her that she's pretty is only
going to get you classified as "another guy who says I'm pretty".
Instead, try to pick her brain, ask her intelligent questions or what
she thinks of something. Then you can compliment her and say that she's
as intelligent as she is beautiful.
14) If you're having a discussion with her and you don't agree with some things she says, DO NOT GET ANGRY! She's only telling you her views, and if you get angry with what she says, you're only going to ruin everything.
15) The song doesn't go "fools rush in" for nothing. Find out more about the girl you like by dating her a few times, and don't rush into a relationship with her. It'd be disastrous if you enter a relationship with the girl too soon and find out that she has some issues which are hard to handle or if she goes totally crazy on you.
14) If you're having a discussion with her and you don't agree with some things she says, DO NOT GET ANGRY! She's only telling you her views, and if you get angry with what she says, you're only going to ruin everything.
15) The song doesn't go "fools rush in" for nothing. Find out more about the girl you like by dating her a few times, and don't rush into a relationship with her. It'd be disastrous if you enter a relationship with the girl too soon and find out that she has some issues which are hard to handle or if she goes totally crazy on you.
16) How to pop the question? I think this really depends on you and your partner's age. When younger, they may want to be asked to be your girlfriend. Back then, I've a couple of girl friends (not girlfriends!) who tell me that they're annoyed when the guy assumes automatically that just because they've gone out a few times and there's some chemistry, that the girl's now his girlfriend, all without asking. I'll go out on a limb to say this... Never confess. Let her see it by your actions. Save confession for church.
If you're shy to open your mouth to ask, you can always make a card (more romantic what) or buy one (also can lah) and give it to her and ask her to open and read it. Or if you're still shy, ask her to read it when she goes home. She'd probably know by then, but what the heck right? If you want, you can slip it into her handbag and sms/call her to tell her there's something in her bag, she'll then read it. If you're still on the phone with her, its time to open your big mouth and ask if she'd like to be yours.
But don't get your hopes up too high, expect the worst and hope for the best.
17) Last but not least, thank her for the date and set up the next one.
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